Reparenting - What it means: safety, soothe, seen, support
This post will explain why reparenting is so important for anyone struggling with self sabotage, relationship challenges, or shame and regret.
“You can have an amazing up-bringing AND still learn to re-parent yourself.”
For the longest time, I felt like those that grew up in rough childhoods, poverty, & single parent households were the only ones ‘allowed’ to have inner struggles.
My thought was: they had ‘terrible’ circumstances so they were ‘allowed’ to ask for help.
Toxic Shame
I literally SHAMED myself for having an amazing childhood AND still struggling deep inside.
This is an area I felt a lot of silent shame, and didn’t feel safe vocalizing my pains up ‘against’ someone who had been abused or who had more harsh conditions compared to me.
The shame was there and the guilt that ‘I could even be experiencing these types of feelings’ carried so much unnecessary weight for way too long. As a result I would belittle myself and truly think something was really wrong with me.
Reparenting Tools
As I continued to break free from extreme people pleasing and then the actual loss of a parent (and in the beginning stages, I felt like I lost both parents), I learned how to re-parent myself. Something I was naturally doing for 10 years to myself, is something taught by Daniel Siegel, a neuropsychiatrist, who recommends parents do with their children to foster healthy brain development and calmer, happier children by providing:
Safety | Soothe | Support | Seen
Gabby Berstein stated in her newest book, that she decided to apply these 4 areas not only to her 3 year old but to herself, first (as an act of self re-parenting).
Brillant.
These became a necessity to create the inner safety when the outside world seemed too risky & unsafe:
Calling off a fully paid for wedding
Calling off dental school
Moving to NYC
Pursuing Entrepreneurship
Training my first client 13 years ago
Dating (a lot) until I re-connected with my now husband
‘Safety, soothe, support, and seen’ were things I had to intentionally create EVEN WHEN something didn’t go as planned, I was betrayed or embarrassed, I ‘failed,’ or my dreams were continuously questioned.
When these 4 S’s become a part of your life, you learn to
place bold boundaries around you to keep you safe as
you continue to navigate those ‘unsafe’ waters.
A quote that has served me more times that I can count on this journey is:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
~Eleanor Roosevelt
No matter if you had a terrible childhood or an amazing one, you have the choice of what you make for the rest of your life now. That is YOUR responsibility now.
They don’t call me “Mama Meg” for nothing. I can help you create inner safety while peeling off layers that were only protecting you, but weren’t providing the fun, fulfilling & intimate life experience.
Healing self sabotaging behaviors
ABOUT THE AUTHOR I’m Meg Smithson and I remember vividly the heartache, distress, and agony that self sabotaging behaviors caused me. Between eating disorders, anxiety, major self doubt, and constant imbalance, I couldn’t seem to live the fulfilling life I imagined.
If you are currently dealing with this, I get it & know exactly how you feel.
I spent a decade of heartache striving to fit the elusive mold of what mainstream considered “perfect” all while trying to figure out why I was put on this earth.
I learned to listen to what I needed…
…not what others expected of me. Gradually, I felt freedom like I had never imagined I could.
What does a relationship coach do?
Now, I teach women to find that freedom, too, by helping them create the relationship that they really want, faster by first healing their attachment to shame, people pleasing, & perfectionism.
Click to schedule a free consult!
Meg Smithson, Life Coach
Meg coaches women by identifying areas of self sabotage, helping them break up with the shame that usually accompanies that, and then shows them how to set boundaries around the emerging 2.0 version they want to become, and live that life, unapologetically.
Click to schedule a life coaching consultation with Meg.
