7 Tips for Blended Family Bliss
This post will cover how to view blended family challenges also as blessings, how setting boundaries applies to raising step children, and 7 tips for parenting in a blended family.
Wedding Vows for a Blended Family
I made a vow to Derrick when we got married. That vow was to love not only him, but to also love Joie - the beautiful daughter he brought with him into your marriage - and our future family, and to always be an example of love. Creating a “Love Legacy” is a joint mission that we both hope to achieve in our lifetime together.
Commit to Rock Your Relationship
The Intimacy Accelerator will teach you:
The key to strengthening the relationship with your partner in as little as ONE day
How to perform a Radical Reflection
A step-by-step for how to walk through with your partner what’s going right, what’s not, and how to fix any challenges
What is a “Love Legacy”?
To us, a “love legacy” is an unconditional love that is passed on for generations to come. It is a love that mimics how God unconditionally loves us, a loving, Godly marriage that makes Him proud, and is something that our children (and great grandchildren and beyond) will want to experience and want to emulate in their own lives as they seek their future spouses.
Blended family
Parenting is at the core of many common relationship problems. When you’re blending a family, you’re not just marrying your spouse, you’re marrying the package deal. Joie was a piece of my vows to him as well, which you can hear in our wedding video... and if you look very closely, you can see Derrick’s eyes water at this part.
Now, I want to be clear as I say this: Being a bonus or step parent has its own sets of challenges that a non-blended family doesn’t even have to think about. Blended family conflict is difficult to manage because the reality is, there are challenges in parenting step children that aren’t the same as parenting biological children. BUT, it also has so many unexpected blessings that when you block out the noise of other people’s thoughts, opinions, or experiences, you can actually SEE them.
To be honest, I have to “challenge” the things people say when they discuss children from previous relationships as “baggage” or “burdens.” Is it challenging, heck yes. You DO have to have THICK skin. But, is it an actual blessing…100000000x yes!!!!
Changing the narrative around blended families
I hope to change the narrative behind people calling step children “baggage” because it seems like people like to throw the term around and blindly accept it a truth (based on what they see, hear, or even experience).
Joie is one of my biggest blessings, one of my best friends (yes I know how to parent her hard too when I have to), and she has taught me sooo much as a step parent and helped me BECOME a better version of myself. (And, she taught her dad sooo many things too, that prepared us for what we have now).
7 Tips that have helped me as we blended our family:
Joie is an extension of her dad (and I love her dad beyond words and she is SUCH a daddy’s girl), so keep this at the forefront of your mind.
We may not be able to control what happens when she’s not with us in our household, but we CAN control what happens inside our own home.
I am not her biological mother, but I can still mother her, love her, teach her, guide her and be the best BONUS mom I can be to her.
Grieve the life you thought your life might look like (as far as the co-parenting goes), quit ‘resisting’ it & accept it, and INVITE this new life adventure into your heart. Here is an amazing podcast episode that talks about this: The Kick-ass Stepmom Podcast Episode 69 with Amy Bernard. Life THIS way can be more than you ever even fathomed and will bring so much peace, presence, and a ton of additional love into your life. Yes, you can grieve and have gratitude at the same time.
Talk out your frustrations with your spouse (never your child) and don’t bottle up those emotions.
Set boundaries around who/what/when/how affects your relationship dynamic as a blended family. A key game-changing tip is to watch out for triggers and then allow those to guide you and your family to apply boundaries around your mental peace.
Don’t make things awkward for the children when people say things out of misunderstanding. Make having a bonus parent exactly what it is, a BONUS ball of love, and the opportunity for more of a VILLAGE to raise her.
I could go on and on and on about all the benefits of a blended family, but one of the biggest BLESSINGS I have gotten to see firsthand was what an amazing father Derrick is as an exceptional father to Joie. This alone is priceless.
Remember, God knows what He was doing in the past, in the present, and in our future.