How to start taking responsibility for your results
This post will cover how to face the reality that your behavior could be creating your results, and how to create the life results you actually want.
Gordon Ramsey, a real-life life coach
One of our favorite Hulu obsessions at the moment is Gordon Ramsey’s “Kitchen Nightmares.” We also watched a lot of “Hell’s Kitchen” before this show (& on our honeymoon when it rained), and again love watching the transformation that takes place in a quick amount of time.
People either LOVE or HATE him, because of his extreme approach, BUT it’s amazing to dig a little deeper and identify the method to his madness. What he is REALLY doing, is coaching.
In the show “Kitchen Nightmares,” he takes failing restaurants who are desperate for change.
This is his process:
He experiences the food in the restaurant & service (and usually finds it repulsive and doesn’t eat it)
He meets the owners and staff
He sits down with them to figure out why they ‘think’ they are failing
He looks at the operations and inventory of the restaurant
He experiences a live shift (without jumping into help)
Then, he starts the most challenging part: the UNDOING and extreme CHANGE (which is often the owner’s biggest challenge).
With each different owner, he has different methods to his brilliant madness, but basically he breaks them down, in one form or another. It is radical. It is extreme. And, it’s also not everyone’s cup of tea.
There’s always a WHY
But, there’s always a WHY behind everything he does. And, his own track record of 35+ (give or take) successful restaurants with some of them having Michelin Stars can back up his boot camp-style of coaching.
Something he does that causes a lot of upfront pain is bluntly tell the owners everything that they’re doing wrong and cause a response.
Many of the owners blame every issue on everyone else BUT themselves, and they either get extremely upset and blame even more, or they shut down and almost give up.
Blaming others for your results
I want you to pause and think of an example when you were desperately seeking change, and the minute someone came to help you, the blame game battles began. Or, simply think about an area of struggle in your life that has been going on for far too long, and the fingers always point to someone outside of yourself.
What’s REALLY going on here?
How can it be that EVERY boss you work for, is terrible?
How is it that in the dating world ALL men are terrible?
How is it you’re the ‘only one doing EVERYTHING for everyone’ and you have zero help at home?
How is it it’s always the IRS, your job, your credit card debt, etc. that take all of your money?
Be real and be honest here. What ‘stories’ are you telling yourself to help elongate your suffering by not taking SOME responsibility? Phew, that’s some tough love coaching right there.
Take the control back by taking responsibility
We identified a situation in your life where you tend to blame and hand the responsibility over to the circumstance or to another person.
Ramsey witnesses this over and over again on the show. But, something neat he does is basically gets them to see that continuing to hand the responsibility over to others, by blaming, is only going to continue to get them non-ideal results. They came to him desperate for a change and to help save their restaurant (the result).
He has to really take away their security blanket - the blame - in order for them to take back responsibility for what is going on, and then start to fix things from this point. This is extremely difficult for the owners because, as we’ve learned, blaming others is a way to avoid discomfort for the underlying shame that is ultimately happening deep inside.
He helps the owners become aware that the underlying issue is them. And, that as long as they’re ‘all in’ on accepting the critiquing, changes, and simplifying process, then everything can be fixed.
Coaching = transformative breakthroughs
But, this is a huge step to breakthrough with people on this show. And, this is a huge thing to breakthrough with people in coaching too. Getting people to finally see how their own hand has been a big piece of why something isn’t working (the marriage, the finances, the parenting battles, etc) is a tough pill to swallow.
Without this step, failure is inevitable. Sometimes something drastic has to happen to save a situation from all the damage that has taken place. Ramsey can see their blindspots. He can see what isn’t working, while the owners are so much inside their own world and trying to stay afloat, they miss small fixable areas that can produce massive positive results. To me, THAT is transformative coaching.
At first these owners feel attacked, especially at the deeper character and integrity level. They feel like he’s being malicious with ill intent, when his approach is anything but that.
He wants them to win. He wants them to succeed and turn their life around. Again, that’s a powerful coach. Breaking down what isn’t working, and rebuilding it so that it not only functions, but flourishes.
Where does your life need to flourish?
Think about an area of your life where this was the case. Did it work? Was it a tough love approach, BUT from the intent of making you better?
The tough love approach that Ramsey uses is for some and not for others. But, the reasoning behind it works for everyone: wanting you to succeed.
His approach follows the saying “would you rather be right or rich?” In other words, would you rather keep ‘failing’ and holding your belief that you are ‘right’ OR would you rather accept responsibility, drop the blame game, and get coaching around another way that could get you the results instead?
For all my stubborn peeps out there (* raises hand high up in the air *), it can take a long time to crack through someone who wants to just figure it out on their own. Who wants to have been “self made” and not had to ask for help.
But, after learning this difficult lesson that cost me sooooooooooo much time, money, & frustration in my life, these failing restaurant owners had THE thing that you need in order to SUCCEED at life: a willingness to be coached.
The road to success
Although it was hard (and trust me it is), when you have the mindset to BE COACHED, and LISTEN to someone who HAS WHAT YOU WANT and CAN TAKE YOU THERE, the game changes.
No longer are you even concerned with “being right” if that mentality doesn’t bring you the results you crave. Because if you want to be rich in having a successful restaurant in this case, or a marriage, or home life, or financial abundance without the towering debt holding you hostage, you can’t keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. Something has to change, and usually that something is actually someone: YOU.
Instead, your act of bravery and being courageous enough to ask for help, shows what you’re made of. It shows that you want more than what you are currently suffering through, and believe that there must be another way.
That’s what I love about this show. They air out the embarrassment, their weaknesses, and shed light on any other area of shame, and from there, everything begins to transform.
Gordon Ramsey breaks you down with the sole purpose of rebuilding you back up in a way that gets you results.
Become the YOU you were meant to be
To me, that is what life coaching is all about: we BATTLE, we BREAK-UP with the inner BULLY, & we BECOME the person that has an amazing relationship, a flourishing family life, less financial strain, and truly a life you love.
No more default patterns.
No more blaming (due to shame).
No more believing every negative thought that comes through your mind.
We take back the reins of responsibility and get you the results you want most. Are you ready to quit being stubborn (like I did) and have someone help you identify your blindspots and coach you out of them, faster?
I’m a life coach who loves helping driven women create the relationships that they want.
If you’re ready, let’s set up a consultation call to discuss high level 1-on-1 coaching.
Meg Smithson, Life Coach
Meg coaches women by identifying areas of self sabotage, helping them break up with the shame that usually accompanies that, and then shows them how to set boundaries around the emerging 2.0 version they want to become, and live that life, unapologetically.
Click to schedule a life coaching consultation with Meg.
